I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
