dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
