I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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