it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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