i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
