Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
