I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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