just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
