I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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