there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize