Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
