my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
