he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think people are normalizing furries
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
