So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
