remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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