Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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