Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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