Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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