I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
