Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He literally asked permission to hit on me
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
