Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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