So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
