I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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