i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
