i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
