Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
