You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
