Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize