Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
