I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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