Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
