so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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