he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
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The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
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A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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