I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
