i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
