i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
