Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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