When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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