Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
