The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
