shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize