She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
