can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
