sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize