The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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