Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
