Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
