Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
