I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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