Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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