I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
