Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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