Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
