So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Semen is not good for contacts.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
