Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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