I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
