would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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