8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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