it hurts more in the daytime
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
