I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
